Your Wedding Speech - Preparation

Introduction

There is a lot to say about the preparation stage. It is the part that requires the most work and which the audience never sees. It is like the foundations of a building.

A building will crumble, or at least subside if the foundations and lower levels are not soundly built. It will look decidedly odd.

Without thorough preparation and good material it is hard to deliver a good speech even if you practice until you are blue in the face. This is why at this site we give you guidance on how to practice and perform your speech, and offer you the 'Wedding Speech Package' and a choice of extra material for your preparation.

Decide how to prepare your material

Either make up your own, or use one of our ready-to-use speeches "as is" with only names changed.

This is a simple and quick option. You will have a quality speech, available rapidly; particularly useful if you have been approached for a speech with little notice.

Or adapt a ready-to-use speech (this gives the chance to make it specific and relevant to the wedding couple and guests):

Mix and match from several example speeches

Add and subtract jokes or quotations

Pay attention to the 'flow' and 'feel' of the speech.

Length of speech

Too short may seem rude, too long may be boring. Five minutes is a good rule of thumb (and will probably feel like a long time).

If you have an exceptional speech and prepare to deliver it really well, you might choose to stretch to 10 minutes.

However, bear in mind that if the other speakers did the same then the guests would be listening for 30 - 40 minutes, and if some of them are children you may encounter some unexpected 'heckling' as the children get bored - even if the parents are laughing.

A great subject

You only need one excellent idea to make the speech successful and memorable. To be of this calibre an idea needs to:

Be well suited to the humour tastes of the majority of the audience

Be in some way relevant to the generally known history of the wedding couple or their families

Grab the attention of the guests and involve them so they 'anticipate' the story outcome or punch line. (They don't have to guess right for this to work, they just have to be guessing).

The point is, if you find such a good idea, make the most of it. Don't feel a need to swamp it with other stories or jokes. You may find it possible to refer to the basic idea at several points in the speech. Audiences love this.

Don't worry if you don't find such an idea. Instead use a combination of ideas, stories, jokes and quotations and meld them together to achieve a similar end.

Gather Information

Unless you intend to stick strictly to a pre written speech you will probably want to gather some information about the families and their histories.

Possible useful subjects might include:

The weddings and marriage of the parents - how times have changed?

Are the families both local, or have they come from different regions
or countries?

Marriage customs may differ between the families?

Where did the bride / groom grow up?

How did the bride / groom meet?

Have they had any unusual / special experiences?

Did they meet the Queen / President / someone famous?

Did/Do they travel extensively?

Have they received any awards or medals?
- Sporting achievements?
- Academic achievements?

Do they have any famous ancestors?

Do they have any interesting hobbies?

The anecdote does not have to be fantastically funny, because it benefits from being relevant to the families.

If in doubt, leave it out!

Avoid anything in dubious taste! The point of the speech is to entertain rather than to shock or offend.

Avoid stereotypes.

Avoid negatives, regrets or criticisms. Anything that may make the couple or the families appear foolish automatically makes you look foolish for raising the subject - even if you thought it was funny, some guests won't. Trust me on this.

Avoid rude jokes or sexual innuendos unless you are VERY sure of all the guests and their sense of what is funny. Even then some guests may have children present and the parents may disapprove even if they found the joke funny.

Get someone to check your speech for unintentional double meanings
and puns.

Work out your structure

Prune your notes and arrange them in order.

Make sure that you have included all the essentials - the thank-yous and the toast!

Get your material checked out

Did you know Uncle Silvester, for example, was an accountant? So avoid accountant jokes, or perhaps go the other way and make lots of them.

This may be particularly effective (or disastrous) if there are several accountants among the guests, or if the bride / groom is an accountant.

The point is ... find out days before giving the speech, this is particularly important for the best man who may not know the families well.

Avoid unwitting references to family skeletons - check with the "in-laws" as the bride / groom may not know of the previous generation's skeletons.

A good friend will tell you if it is really as funny as you think.

A bad friend will tell you it's funny when it's not!

Speaker's Notes

Benefits of different sizes of speaker's notes:

An A5 card will be less distracting than a big sheet of A4 paper flapping about.

You may prefer to use the smaller postcard sized "box-file" cards which can be mostly hidden in the palm of your hand, but you will need
more of them, and it is harder to keep your place as you give the speech.

We recommend that you get hold of some white A4 card from a stationer's.
Cut the cards across the middle to create a set of A5 cards.

During the design and initial stages of practicing you may alter the wording
and content several times. It may be useful to use your computer to alter
the speech and put in 'headings' etc. using A4 paper. Then when the speech
content is really settled, transfer the words in large letters to the A5
cards.

Note Tips

Don't try to cram the speech onto as few cards as possible! You'll never be able to read it.

Feel free to abbreviate if it means you get a convenient section on one card.

Number the cards in case you drop them. Alternatively, punch holes in them and connect them with a tag or key ring.

Highlight, emphasise and underline key words and phrases. Do this while you are practicing.

Once you are satisfied with your delivery during practice, you may find it useful to put 'headings' in suitable places. Make these large and bold. It is then easier to find your place if you do need to refer to the cards, and easier to spot the next subject.

"On-site" preparations

Check your transport arrangements - do you know the way there? and will you have a parking space booked? Have you allowed for the possibility of the train being late (ask yourself "what if" questions).

Check out the venue beforehand if possible - where will you sit, where will you speak from, etc.

Check any equipment - microphone? Lectern? Autocue!!?

Check you have a glass of water to hand (and where is the toilet?!!).

See our other articles on aspects of Wedding Speech Planning

Wedding Speech Etiquette 1 - Why it matters
Your Wedding Speech 3 - Practicing
Wedding Speech Etiquette 2 - The Context
Wedding Speech Etiquette 3 - The Toastmaster
Wedding Speech Etiquette 4 - The Toasts and Speeches
Your Wedding Speech 1 - Planning
Your Wedding Speech 4 - Performance

Wedding Words